Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
