Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
