Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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