I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
