Sponge bath it is.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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