There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
