Swine flu. Run for my life!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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