her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
