I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You can't motorboat a personality
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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