Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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