I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
