If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My dick has a subreddit
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
