just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
