1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
