You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
