please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
