I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
