She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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