I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
