I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
