Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
