My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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