make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
