i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
