I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
