That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
