Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
