So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
