All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
