I swear she didn't look like that last week.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
