Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
