I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
