i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
