so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
