Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
