I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
