how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
