If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
