oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
