I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
