why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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