Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
