Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
