why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I understand Curling. That high.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
