Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I deserve this hangover.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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