i always forget guys have bellybuttons
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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