Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
