ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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