got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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