I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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