how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
