whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
