So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
love makes seman taste better
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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