I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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